Cheesaholics Anonymous

Telepan Restaurant Cheese & Wine Tasting

Telepan Restaurant in conjunction with Waldemar & Nadia presents an afternoon of cheese and wine tasting. Fromagers Waldemar & Nadia have selected special springtime artisan cheeses, and paired them with wines from Telepan’s diverse wine list. Enjoy the pairings while you learn about these seasonal gems in a sociable and lighthearted atmosphere. Space is limited and reservations are required. Call 646.246.3499 to reserve. Event will be held at Telepan Restaurant on Saturday May 6, 2006 at 12:30 p.m, 72 West 69th Street, New York, NY 10023. Download Event Mailer.

Cheez what?

Processed “cheese product” is ubiquitous in American supermarkets. Product lines like Kraft Singles, Cheez Whiz and Velveeta have dominated the market for close to a century. So where did this stuff come from, and is it cheese?

Kraft was first to the process cheese scene in the 1920’s, just as the world was getting back on its feet post WWI. Industrialization was all the rage, and unfortunately the world of cheese was not immune. Along came J.L. Kraft & Bros., and pretty soon cheese was being made in blocks that could be cut, packaged and distributed in record time, and at record low prices. And thusly the American appetite for those geometrically perfect Kraft singles (launched in 1950) was born.

Technically speaking, processed cheese is a little bit of real cheese with a whole lot of crap added. They start with a hunk of real cheese (mostly cheddar), and add enough emulsifiers, water, artificial flavoring and coloring to produce a generic-tasting, non-separating, fast melting cheese product with an unnaturally long shelf life. You are looking at a 12+ list of artificial ingredients, rather than the three natural ingredients in real cheese (milk, salt and rennet).

If you must have that Chili Velveeta with your Nacho Cheese Doritos, go for it. I couldn’t give up cheesy-poofs even if I tried. Just remember that if it’s real cheese you are craving, do your body good and buy the real deal.

What makes cheese stinky?

There is no denying that cheese has plenty to say to our noses. A funky Camembert may be one person’s idea of heaven on earth, and another’s idea submission for Fear Factor. But what actually goes into generating those cheesy aromas?

Cheese is a fermented product and gets to be what it is thanks to the hard work of bacteria naturally present in the milk, moulds that have set up shop on the cheese surface, and enzymes that are busy breaking down the sugars and proteins in the milk. Combine the special smells of the above with the particular milk type and composition and you get a different smell for every cheese!

If you’re not a fan of the whiff, stick to cheeses low in water content, and avoid washed-rind cheeses.

Stinky Cheese Facts:

• Public Enemy #1: In France, the notoriously stinky cheese Epoisses is banned from public transportation.
• The Smelliest of All: Scientists at Cranfield University in England conducted a study to name the world’s stinkiest cheese. The winner: Vieux Boulogne, a beer-washed cow’s milk cheese from France.
• Embrace the Stink: Wallace & Grommit endorsed England’s Stinking Bishop cheese, and sales went through the roof. Washed in perry (a local pear cider), this cheese definitely lives up to its name.

Ah, La Mancha

I love my in-laws dearly. Not just because they raised the man I was to marry, but also because they bring me cheese whenever they visit from Spain. This trip I was lucky enough to receive two wheels of Manchego, the most famous artisan cheese from Spain. One wheel was the standard “curado” or cured version (pictured on the right), while the other was the “semi-curado” or less aged (left).

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Manchego is made from the milk of the Manchega sheep,  in the central region of La Mancha (also home of Don Quixote). Sheep’s milk is incredibly rich and good for you, and true Manchego cheese is a complex and divine experience in both the semi-cured and cured forms.  Nutty, grassy with a hint of crushed olives, it is perfect with an Albarino wine or a fruity Pinot Noir.

You can buy great examples of this cheese at the new Spanish specialty food shop Despaña (408 Broome Street/Lafayette). Pick up a cured ham while you are at it and munch through some jamón y queso next time you crave a taste of the Mediterranean. Olé…!

Note: Look for the D.O. symbol of authenticity to make sure you are getting the real deal.

Catch it if you can

Every year hundreds of contestants gather on Cooper’s Hill in Gloucestershire, England, to participate in the annual cheese chase. The chase consists of the contestants hurling themselves down the steep and bumpy hill after a wheel of rolling cheese.

Though the tradition may seem bizarre, it is as popular as ever with the folks from this cheese town and tourists alike. It is so popular in fact that there are several races during the day, despite the presence of the emergency medical workers who invariably end up removing battered and bruised contestants from the hill side every year.

The prize? A 9 pound wheel of Double Gloucester, of course, the signature cheese from the county. You can write to the tourist board to get more information (the event is held some time in May) at [email protected]. Of course you can skip the ankle-spraining part and just head to your local cheese shop, most of which will carry this popular cheddar-like cheese.